When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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