i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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