just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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