I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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