How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
