You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Randomize
