Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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