I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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