so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
