i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We talked him into tasing himself.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
