You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
