i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
