the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
