i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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