You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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