I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have tasted many bathrooms
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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