we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
