Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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