I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Found your dick twin last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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