sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
