...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
