i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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