I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
