I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
