so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
