There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
