Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
