ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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