So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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