Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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