70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How external is "for external use only"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
