I wish I could teleport
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
