You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
