I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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