quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
