who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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