I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
