she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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