i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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