Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
