I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
