I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
