U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
