She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
