Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
