Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
