Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We're too hungover to prance.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
