the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
