I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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