All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
